Oh Mr Shakespeare, What Have You Done?

It’s my standard, (all too standard these days) Friday night, and the decision is Moulin Rouge or Shakespeare in Love. Due to the inevitability of me singing the Elephant Medley loudly and badly for the next few days we went with Shakespeare. I've always loved Shakespeare; it's the beauty of words combined with love, fantasy, comedy or tragedy that makes me feel all warm and misty-eyed. Midsummer Night’s Dream was always my favourite; it has fairies, ancient Greeks and a dog - what's not to love? But, Romeo and Juliet has that essence of passion and wonder that makes my throat constrict.
I couldn’t help thinking, ‘if only romance like this still existed.’ This thought confused me and ended up confusing me for days. It danced repeatedly round my head as I tried to make sense of it.

Romance is defined as a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love, or 'love' when sentimental or idealised. When most people think of ‘romance’ it probably involves candles, sunsets, mighty gestures and gazing into each other's eyes. “Ick” some people would think of this and say instead that it’s the little, personal, unexpected moments that show a romantic side. But I can’t agree with either of these descriptions. Sunsets, I grant you, have a mystifying effect, but candles are more likely to cause a house fire, especially if you’re both so busy gazing you don’t notice. And the little moments? Surely that comes under thoughtfulness and the kindness you would expect in a tender relationship anyway? To me, romance means something bigger.

The problem is that so many of us think we know what romance is and therefore, expect it. In the modern day we’ve been brought up on rom-coms and have been led to believe that this is romance; it has it in the title. We see the men of our dreams run in slow motion through an airport and think yes, that is romantic, that is what I want. But isn’t that just sentimentality? We copy what we see in the films because that is what we have got used to believing is romantic. This actually completely defeats the point. We’re not supposed to know something is romantic, at least not at the time, otherwise where is the mystery and the excitement?

These days we are so much more practical about love. We have careers and irritating distance issues to think about, not to mention a much greater choice of partner than the Bennet sisters would have been blessed with. Now, if we meet someone we have the delightful option of analysing their texts, their Facebook page and a series of dates before we need even consider romance. Just look at the Amazon bestseller list for romance and see that it’s going under a variety of different names these days depending on what suits us. Perhaps it's just easier to type a reminder into our iPhones that we are due a romantic night out with our partner, and therefore believe we have everything sorted, than deal with the turbulence true romance is paired with.

If I think of examples of a true romantic story all of my examples come from classics. Shakespeare, who has us dying for love, Charlotte Bronte whose Jane Eyre and Rochester have hearts so entwined they hear each other’s cries across moors, and Jane Austen who would have us risk pneumonia to feel such passion. Can we write such romance in a modern age? Would the majority confuse it with cheesiness or foolishness? Find me a modern-day romance that is romantic and I will happily be proved wrong.

Romance doesn’t have to be a huge event but it should be something that sweeps you off your feet, that leaves you speechless and as though your heart will explode out of your chest. This could be by the smallest of gestures but it needs that intensity. My most romantic night, surprisingly enough, was hanging around London waiting to watch Batman at the IMAX at some ungodly hour. There was a sunset, there was a boy and there was the Millennium Bridge, water and London. By my own definition it shouldn’t have been romantic, it was exactly like a scene in a film, and yet it was romantic. Why? Because I totally didn’t see it coming. It’s the sudden rush of emotion that at the time feels like a glorious pressure that makes you smile endlessly and you look back at and realise it was something unusual. If I had planned it or even imagined it before hand it would never have felt so good.

Every relationship needs a level of romance, but think how exhausting it would be to live like that all the time. A relationship should be fuelled by love, by the little things, the thoughtful things and the kind things that you want and need for and from each other. But romance should be that mighty gust of wind that sweeps in now and again and reminds you of everything that is powerful in what you have. For that to work it has to be unexpected.

To make something romantic is to make it a mystery.